Homer Simpson Prayers [Via: eyeranian]
Dear Lord, thank you for this microwave bounty even though we don't deserve it. I mean, our kids are uncontrollable hellions. Pardon my French, but they act like savages. Did you see them at the picnic? Of course you did. You're everywhere. You're omnivorous. O Lord, why did you smite me with this family? [7G04]

And Lord, we are especially thankful for nuclear power, the cleanest, safest energy source there is. Except for solar, which is just a pipe dream. Anyway, we'd like to thank you for the occasional moments of peace and love our family has experienced. Well, not today, but... You saw what happened! Oh, Lord, be honest! Are we the most pathetic family in the universe or what! [7F07]

Dear Lord, bless this humble meal, and did you hear about Krusty? Whoo, man! I mean, I knew he was a player, but jeez, a kid! (Marge: Homer, that's not a prayer, that's gossip.) Homer: Fine, I'll just discuss heavenly matters. So, how's Maude Flanders doing up there? She playing the field? Ooh, yeah, really? All those guys? [The rest of the family gapes] Amen. [BABF17]